Known more commonly as a "tit wank," you'll have likely spotted cleavage sex while watching porn.
For that reason, our idea of cleavage sex tends to conjure images of giant-breasted women doing near-impossible things with a penis in all manner of awkward positions as they over-prioritise stimulating the penis above all else. But porn isn't reflective of real life and cleavage sex doesn't have to always be focused on the receiver.
Pippa Murphy, sex expert at condom company condoms.co.uk(opens in a new tab), says: "of those that I know who have tried cleavage sex, a lot of the time, a man has instigated it after seeing it in porn." Murphy says it's important to remember that porn is entertainment and not reflective of the sex we have IRL. "In real life, sex differs from what you see in porn as it’s much more intimate, enjoyable, and personal. There’s also a lot more communication – which is why having the initial conversation about the dos and don’ts of cleavage sex before trying it out for the first time, is so important, as is listening to your partner whilst having sex."
In reality, cleavage sex can actually be a lot of fun. Even for the one with the boobs. Seriously.
What is cleavage sex?
Put simply, cleavage sex involves using your cleavage to stimulate a partner's penis or strap-on. As well as the physical sensation of feeling the soft warm breasts around their penis, cleavage sex is visually and psychologically very arousing, which is the main appeal for a lot of people. It's also a great way to get some variation in your sex life.
Murphy explains that cleavage sex is a great activity to try if you’re someone who doesn’t like penetration, or have days when you’re not feeling penetrative sex.
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"It can also be a real confidence booster so it could help you feel better in yourself on the days when you feel a bit bleurgh! Naturally, watching your partner get off to a specific part of your body, can make you feel really good about yourself and can turn you on as well," she explains.
Who can have cleavage sex?
Cleavage sex is for anyone with cleavage, really. It’s more of a visual sexual experience than a stimulating one (for both parties), so you’re unlikely to achieve an orgasm unless other sex acts are involved, like general breast play. But it can be hot to see your penis between someone’s breasts, or watching someone get turned on by your breasts, which is the gratification cleavage sex is solely based on. Not all sex needs to have orgasm as a goal, and cleavage sex is a lot of fun.
Murphy says that, while fun, cleavage sex is definitely more pleasurable for people with penises. "Whilst the areola and nipple are sensitive erogenous zones for people with vulvas, the breasts themselves aren’t as sensitive. That being said, many people with vulvas simply enjoy the feeling of a penis rubbing against a body part or the feeling of being in a more submissive position," she explains.
There’s a common misconception that cleavage sex only works for those that have relatively big boobs, however, this couldn’t be further from the truth. No boobs are too small.
However, different breast sizes may require different approaches to get the most out of cleavage sex. Murphy says, if you have got a smaller chest, have your partner lie on his back whilst you bend yourself over on top of him and place your boobs above his penis. "Gravity will then work in your favour by allowing your boobs to cup his penis more easily, along with the help of your arms as you squash them together," she says.
Like with any sex act, it’s important to always discuss boundaries before jumping in.
"Alternatively, if you have bigger breasts, you can lie on your back and have him crouch over you, whilst you cup his penis in between your cleavage. You do, however, have the option of pushing your boobs together using your hands or your forearms, depending on what turns you or your partner on the most."
How to do cleavage sex
Isabelle Uren, sex expert at Bedbible, says there are a few things to keep in mind before launching right intro cleavage sex. Like with any sex act, it’s important to always discuss boundaries before jumping in. "You should let your partner know if you are happy for them to ejaculate on you or not, and if so, where," she says.
Once you’ve discussed each other’s boundaries, limitations and preferences, you’re ready to jump into the fun stuff.
To start off, Uren recommends enjoying some boob-based foreplay to get you both in the mood. "Have your partner caress, kiss, and lick your breasts and nipples. You can also lube up their penis and rub the tip over your nipples," she recommends.
When it comes to positions, there are a few options. You can choose between you moving over your partner's penis or letting them thrust into you. "If it's your first time having cleavage sex, it can be easier to let your partner do the thrusting," she advises. "Two popular positions are lying back on the bed with your partner kneeling over you or sitting on the edge of the bed with your partner standing between your legs. If you prefer to control the movement, have your partner sit on the edge of the bed and kneel between their legs."
Like with most new sex ventures, it’s important to keep the dialogue going so you’re both having fun. If a position’s not working for you, let your partner know you need to switch it up and try something different. When you’re new to a sex act, it’s natural for there to be some trial and error.
Once you’re ready to deploy a tit wank, hold your breasts together, and have your partner slide their penis or strap-on between your them. "If you have smaller breasts, join your hands as you squeeze your breasts together to create a canal. You can adjust the pressure by changing how tightly you squeeze your breasts together," Uren advises.
"To add more stimulation, as your partner thrusts between your breasts, you can use your mouth over the head of their penis or dildo. Cleavage sex can be the main event, or you can switch to another activity like oral or penetrative sex when you've had enough," she adds.
Given that cleavage sex is more likely to make the person with the penis (or strap-on/dildo) aroused than the receiver, Murphy says it's important for the giver to spend more time on other sex acts like hand sex and oral sex instead of heading straight to the breasts.
"Whilst everyone has their favourite kind of sex acts, a personal recommendation is to kiss and suck on the nipples. Not only will this increase her breast sensitivity, helping her enjoy the soon-to-be cleavage sex even more, but it could even increase the size of her breasts as blood flows to the area," she says.
In addition, the receiver can add a bit of mouth action should she wish to help with stimulation for her partner. Once you’re feeling more confident, you could also bring oral sex into the equation. Murphy explains, "As the head of your partner's penis will be thrust close to your face, you could consider touching the head of their penis or licking it with your tongue. This is best tried out when your partner is near climax."
How to up the ante with cleavage sex
Once you’ve mastered cleavage sex, there are few things you can try to up the ante and explore new kinds of pleasure.
To add more stimulation for the giving partner, Uren recommends using a wearable sex toy to get some stimulation while performing cleavage sex. "A panty vibrator, egg vibrator, or vibrating butt plug are great hands-free options," she says.
"If you are sitting on a chair with your partner standing and thrusting between your breasts, you could try riding a suction cup dildo or a vibrating grinding pad. Or, watch yourself in a mirror for a sexy show! Seeing yourself do something new sexually can be a real turn-on."
Experimenting with kink can also help push your limits, explore your sensations, and spice things up a little. Uren suggests that, if you enjoy being restrained, you can experiment with bondage tape. "Try putting bondage tape around your breasts to push them together or using your upper arms to push your breasts together with your forearms and wrists restrained," she says.
And, of course, if you enjoy dirty talk, it can really add to the psychological arousal of cleavage sex. It could be you telling your partner how hot they look between your breasts or them telling you how great it feels!
You can also add lube to create extra, slippery sensation for longer which helps the penis to move between the breasts quickly, creating extra stimulation. Murphy says: "Naturally, breasts don’t self-lubricate so lube can help the penis slip and slide in between them. I’d recommend using a silicon-based lube as it’s the longest-lasting lube type and is great at massaging into the skin. It should be placed on both the penis and cleavage to cover all bases."
Cleavage sex can be a fun way to explore your body and have your partner explore it with you, and discover whether enjoying each other’s bodies for gratification in the bedroom is something you enjoy. Just remember to throw out your porn-born perceptions of cleavage sex, make your own rules, (communicate them thoroughly), and have fun.
