LONDON -- You might not believe in ghosts; but you've almost certainly been "ghosted."
No, we're not talking about supernatural happenings; ghosting is 2016's version of a Dear John letter. In the dating realm, ghosting -- also known as "the slow fade" -- means dropping all forms of communication with a person without actually saying goodbye.
It's brutal, it's often inexplicable, and it's happening to a lot of us. In fact, a recent survey by dating app PlentyofFish found that 80% of millennials have been ghosted.
Ghosting comes in all shapes and sizes. It can happen after one date, or after just a few texts, but it can also happen after several months of dating.
Mashable asked ghosting victims about the final messages they sent before all communication ceased, and how it made them feel.
"I had a good time too."
Executive assistant Irina, 27, has been ghosted 16 times. Yes, 16 times.
"Most of these guys didn't even contact me after the date or even walk me to my car in the middle of the night. I also only went on one date with each guy, no second date," Irina told Mashable.
"I'm just tired of getting my hopes up to be disappointed yet again, so I'm on a dating hiatus," she continued.
Tomorrow never came
A 27-year-old communications professional -- who prefers to remain anonymous -- has been ghosted twice; something he feels is becoming increasingly the norm.
"I was upset in that I thought it was going better and hoped they wanted to see me," he told Mashable.
"But, the actual ghosting itself wasn't what was upsetting -- it's clear quite quickly. If anything, I preferred that to some awkward text."
These are the final messages he sent to both his ghosters, which were met with no response.
"Are you on your way?"
When PhD student Akshat hit it off with a guy he met on Grindr, things seemed to be going pretty well.
"This dude noticed that my Grindr username had an immunology bent to it, so he started bantering with me using awful/fantastic science humour," he told Mashable.
The two agreed to meet for a drink at a nearby bar that night.
"He said 'Can't wait!' followed by that emoji with the shades," said Akshat.
When Akshat showed up at the bar, however, his date was nowhere to be seen. Akshat ordered a drink as he waited.
"At the 20 minute mark [I asked] 'Are you on your way?' And nothing. Silence."
"I've already messaged him. Once, five minutes after I arrived when I said 'Here!' Then, at the 20 minute mark [I asked] "Are you on your way?" And nothing. Silence," he continued.
"The more I drank, I went from lubricated to downright morose, and so the last text I sent him around the 60 minute mark was 'Why?' No response," said Akshat.
Akshat isn't sure whether his would-be date walked in the bar, saw him and left, or whether he found a better prospect in the interim.
"I like the term 'ghosting:' it enables to me to assume that he probably died. The dead do not text back. The living must proceed with their lives."
"Everything OK?"
A 27-year-old digital communications professional -- who did not wish to be identified -- told Mashable she was ghosted on three separate occasions.
"The first time it happened I was really upset. The times after that, you get used to it and becomes par for the course," she told Mashable.
She says all her single friends have been ghosted at some point or another.
"It's just the dating scene these days," she continued.
Here's how their conversation went down.
Ghoster #1, after six weeks of dating:
Ghoster:
Let’s do something at the weekend x
Me:
Great, what do you fancy doing? x
Me (two days later):
Hey, worked out what we’re doing at the weekend yet?
Ghoster #2, after two weeks of dating
Ghoster:
Want to go for dinner tonight? X
Me:
Sorry, can’t do tonight, how about Wednesday? X
Me:
Everything OK?
Me:
Great to see you last night… I’m free Friday if you fancy meeting up again?
"Free Friday?"
Assistant editor Lindsay has also had her fair share of ghosting experiences and she shared one with Mashable.
CARD ID: 54057, CARD TYPE: SideBySide
"I'll let you know."
Business analyst Maher has been ghosted twice. His final conversation with a guy he'd been dating for three months went like this:
Me:
I'm taking the day off and making a ton of Pakistani food -- with your name on it. Come over after work?
Him:
I have a bunch of stuff to get done, but I really want to! I'll let you know.
Him:
I can't :( I need to get some more job apps in by tonight.
"I sent a few follow ups, with no response. He's LinkedIn stalked me a few times since then, but never responded after that," Maher told Mashable.
The takeaway message
If these final text messages tell us anything, it's that ghosting is unpredictable, and there is no strict pattern to help you identify when it's happening. It can also happen at various stages in a relationship; be it after just a few texts, a few dates or even a few months of dating.
But, if ghosting is becoming increasingly symptomatic of online dating, it's also important not to take it personally. If you've been ghosted, don't fret, someone less ghoulish will come along before you know it.
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