At this stage, many of us have tried online dating. In fact, in 2021, 323 million people worldwide(opens in a new tab) used dating apps as their main avenue of meeting new people. It’s now the go-to method for finding romantic partners and the first port of call for most when seeking a new relationship, but the apps might not be top-of-mind for finding new friends.
Apps for finding friends are out there, though. There are now a bunch of apps designed to help people make friends. From Bumble’s ‘BFF’ mode which was the first to really go mainstream, to Peanut which helps mums make friends, to Patook(opens in a new tab), Wink(opens in a new tab), and Swipr(opens in a new tab), there are multiple online platforms for people to find the right friendships for them.
Loneliness in young people has increased over the last few years, with 40 percent of 16 to 24-year-olds in the UK reporting feeling lonely(opens in a new tab) "very often". In total, 45 percent of adults feel occasionally, sometimes or often lonely(opens in a new tab) in England. This could be, in part, to the difficulty of forming new friendships as an adult without the help of apps. A reality most people face in their 20s is that friendships are hard to come by when they’ve not been somewhat "assigned" to you — the way friendships occur when you’re younger, because of school and clubs. It’s something we don’t realise is difficult until we’re in the pits of it.
Jessica Alderson from dating app So Synced(opens in a new tab) tells Mashable that adults can find it hard to make friends for a variety of reasons. Adults typically have less free time between work and other obligations, finding it less easy to try new things and meet friends in new environments. Many people also typically worry about rejection and being vulnerable (a pretty key component to forming any kind of relationship) so it can be hard to put ourselves out there and find someone we click with.
It's no wonder, then, that, according to a press release shared with Mashable by Bumble, the BFF mode saw a 44 percent rise in women searching for new friends, and a 83 percent rise in men. This yearning for friendship can also be seen in Facebook Groups like Truly Twenties — a group made for people in their 20s forming friendships online — which formed just two years ago and has already garnered over 66,000 members.(opens in a new tab)
These apps are filling a gap in our lives, but they can feel awkward and unnatural at first, with the format of a dating app feeling like a romantic or superficial environment. They take some serious getting used to.
So, Alderson and people who’ve found success on these apps share their best advice for using them well.
Why download a friendship-finding app?
Friendship apps, or dating apps with a platonic, social component, can be a great way for adults to make friends. One of the best things about meeting people through these apps is that you can be reasonably sure they are looking for friendship too. In a way, they cut the bullshit in a way dating apps don’t. Lots of people lurk on dating apps with a variety of intentions that can be hard to see — some are just looking for a pen pal or a bit of validation without anything more — but most people on friend-based apps are there for one reason: they’d like a new friend.
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30-year-old PR manager Jo used Bumble BFF after moving to Manchester to put herself out there and make new friends. "Apart from having one best friend who already lived in the city and my work colleagues, I didn't know anyone else, so I wanted to find a way to make friends," she tells Mashable.
She found Bumble BFF really easy to use. "You're able to make a profile similar to the dating app to make friends. You can highlight key hobbies and share snaps of things that you enjoy in order to attract people with similar industries to you. For me, I made sure I included that I liked fashion and my French background as I was looking to find people who had similar interests and cultural background," she explains.
"Finding the right people that matched my vibe due to similar age brackets and interest as people would put similar things on their profile in order to make friends. Since I downloaded the app I was introduced to friends who have a similar passion for thrifting and also like going to dance and doing other sports."
Alderson adds that the nice thing about using apps to find friends is people have made a conscious effort to put themselves out there to make new friends, so they will likely make time to build your connection if it feels right to both of you.
"You won't necessarily match with the perfect friend on your first date, so go into it with realistic expectations and try not to feel too disappointed if the first few matches don't work out. Remember that it's a process, and be patient and open-minded."
"Apps also provide an easy way to narrow down potential friends based on similar interests, hobbies, or passions. For example, if you’re looking for friends who are sporty, you can look out for signs of that on people's profiles. People meet lifelong friends on apps every day, so if you're struggling to make new friends, it's definitely worth trying one of these apps," she says.
What should you consider before using friendship 'dating' apps?
Before using friendship 'dating' apps, it's important to consciously think about what you are looking for in a friendship. When it comes to finding relationships of any kind, including friendships, it's helpful to be mindful of your intentions.
Alderson recommends asking yourself, "Are you looking for a lifelong friend or someone you can talk to for a few hours each week? Are you looking for someone who shares your interests, or is that less important?"
Being honest about your intentions will help you to make sure that any potential friends are on the same page. "You don't necessarily have to spell it out in your profile or on your first friend date, but it's important to get a sense of who you're matching with and whether they want the same things as you," she says.
You should also bear in mind that friendship dating is just like romantic dating in the sense that it can take time to find the right person for you. "You won't necessarily match with the perfect friend on your first date, so go into it with realistic expectations and try not to feel too disappointed if the first few matches don't work out. Remember that it's a process, and be patient and open-minded," she notes.
How is app-dating different for friendships vs relationships?
The first time I jumped onto a friend-making app, I started building my profile like a dating app as a default. Something about the similar design and format of the apps makes you feel like you’re on a dating app and act accordingly. But, they’re obviously not the same. Looking for partners and looking for friends on apps are completely different experiences, even if they are in the same packaging.
The main difference is the profiles themselves. "Most people have a different kind of profile for finding friendships vs relationships. When you're looking for a romantic partner, there's more of an emphasis on sexual chemistry and attraction, but looking for friendships revolves more around common interests and lifestyles. Shared values are equally important for both," Alderson explains.
A significant difference with friendship dating is that there's no pressure to commit to one person. "With romantic dating, you're expected to formally decide at some point where the relationship is headed, whereas with friendship dating, there's no pressure to be 'exclusive.'"
This also means that you can invite each other along to activities you do with other friends you meet on the app, which isn’t the case with romantic relationships outside of the polyamorous scene.
While the pressure is still there for sure, it doesn’t feel as all-consuming as dating app pressure. We don’t have as many weird societal expectations surrounding friendships as we do with romantic or sexual relationships, so searching for friends on apps is a nice way to date without any weird bill-paying politics or awkward courting.
What should I put on my friendship app profile?
Friendship-finding apps can be really intimidating, especially if it’s brand-new territory. Suddenly, when you’re asked to share information about yourself, you forget who you are entirely and concerns over online ‘authenticity’ adds an extra layer of pressure.
Alderson says your friendship 'dating' profile should get your personality across in a positive and authentic way. You'll want to highlight your interests and values and include several photos so potential friends can get a sense of who you are.
"Write a short bio or add some answers to prompt questions that will give potential friends a better sense of who you are. If you need help getting started, think about what makes you different. Funny quirks or stories are a great place to start," she recommends.
Take a step back and think about what kind of people you want to connect with, and then consider how they would view your profile. "If you want to make friends with people who love horse riding, would people who love horse riding be drawn to your profile? Ask yourself this and use the answers to refine your profile by highlighting the aspects of your personality and lifestyle that are relevant," Alderson adds.
Finally, take your time when creating your profile and consider it an investment in finding the right friends for you. Within reason, the more you fill out your profile, the higher your chances of finding compatible friends. If you get stuck, seek the opinion of someone close to you to help you. And remember, while you want to stand out, make sure you do so in an honest way. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for disappointment, and it's not fair to other people.
28-year-old privacy consultant Kayleigh has found great friendships on friend-making apps and says being more intentional in your profile can help you find better connections and makes for an easy move from app conversation to real-life ‘date’.
"Put what you want to do with a new friend in your bio (whether that be travelling or coffee dates or gigs etc) or looking out for those activities in others bios — this means that you’ll connect with people who want to do the same things," she tells Mashable. "You can then suggest one of those activities for your first ‘date’. I put that I like trying new hobbies and workshops in my bio so when I connected with someone who wanted the same, I suggested that we do an art class as our first meet up!"
Kayleigh believes nailing the bio is the key to starting meaningful friendships on these apps. "Definitely make sure you put thought into your bio — doesn’t need to be the next great novel but having info in there that’s unique to you gives the other person something to strike up conversation about," she explains. "Generic ‘how are you?'questions back and forth don't really tend to go anywhere but being able to ask about someone’s travel experience or being asked about a particular hobby makes convo flow so much better!"
How do I decide if another person and I could be good friends based on their profile?
Like romantic dating, it's hard to know whether you'll really click until you meet up in person, but there are signs to look out for in profiles. Alderson says to get a sense of people's interests and if you have anything in common.
"Look for shared values as well. Do they list things that are important to them, such as volunteering, helping the environment or animal rights? If they list values you share, this is one of the best signs that you could be a good match," she explains.
She adds that a person’s profile can say a lot about their compatibility as a friend. "Read their profile carefully and get a sense of their personality. Are they funny, serious, or laid back? Look for clues in how they write and the kinds of experiences they talk about to work out how likely it is that you'd be compatible."
23-year-old operations worker Kiera has had success making friends on apps and notes that, although we automatically look for similarities as indicators of potential friendship, her best tip is to keep an open mind. "It can be really weird to 'shop for friends' but you could end up meeting someone that you really vibe with. I had a few people who just didn't respond or the chat just fizzled out so don't let that stuff put you off from trying," she says.
Though it can be tempting to look for people you have lots in common with, it’s important to be open to new people with different types of interests. If you think back to the kinds of people you've clicked with in the past in real life, it's likely that you only had a few things here and there in common. While it's helpful to be on the same wavelength in some ways, you're not looking for a carbon copy of yourself.
What happens if I don’t make friends?
It’s important to remember that, just like in real life, making friends takes time. You also shouldn’t let the pressure of needing to make friends stop you from being picky or looking past things you don’t like. Much like dating, we can fall into that trap sometimes. But you don't want to rush into a friendship if it doesn't feel right.
You should also keep in mind friendship dating is like romantic dating in that it only takes one person to change your life. "It can shift in an instant," Alderson says. "The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who could be a great friend. It may take some time and effort before that happens, which is why it's essential to go into friendship dating with realistic expectations."
