Masturbation is amazing. This is just a fact. Orgasms are about so much more than one-and-done pleasure, they’re actually good for you and your overall well-being. "When you masturbate, and especially when you bring yourself to orgasm, feel good chemicals are released that help you relax, feel more peaceful, and sleep better," says Laurie Mintz(opens in a new tab), PhD, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Becoming Cliterate.
And yet, we tend to have trouble masturbating on the regular. We’re all so busy with work, partners, friends, and family that self-love (and all sex, really) tends to take a back seat. We always think we need to get everything finished on the old ‘To-Do List’ and take care of everyone else in our lives before we can indulge in something ~so hedonistic.~
Here’s the skinny though: It is not strictly hedonistic. It is essential. "Taking time to pleasure oneself is a form of prioritizing one’s needs and self-care," Mintz adds. Masturbation is about centering yourself and honoring your health.
"Taking time to pleasure oneself is a form of prioritizing one’s needs and self-care."
What’s more, when we don’t cultivate our desire, it tends to peter out. "We all have an erotic battery. This battery requires charging in order to become a reliable, healthy-functioning desire system," explains Kristine D’Angelo(opens in a new tab), a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. "If your erotic battery gets low, your desire for sex declines and you’ll be waiting a long time to feel turned on again."
As the saying goes: If you don’t use it, you lose it. Here is how to create a masturbation routine (and stick to it), according to some of the world’s leading experts.
Why even make a masturbation routine?
We need to get masturbation stationed right onto the G-cal (or at the very least, placed on the ‘To-Do List’).
Creating a masturbation routine is as important as your gym routine. Just like going to the gym, creating a structure around your self-touch habits is how you stick to them. And look, we get that ‘making a routine’ doesn’t sound super sexy, but doing it regularly allows you to gain the maximum benefits from all the health benefits. Orgasms are natural benzos.
Masturbating regularly can make doing all of your other maintenance tasks easier. It even helps us make better decisions. "It can allow you to think clearly [because it offers] relaxation," says Linnea Marie(opens in a new tab), a board-certified sex educator. "We experience all kinds of different stressors in our daily lives, which in turn make our bodies release cortisol." Cortisol is our body’s stress hormone. Once we orgasm, cortisol levels drop and we can feel more grounded and capable of critical thinking.
Plus, it’s great for the pelvic floor. "Your pelvic floor, which is the [one of] largest muscle group in your body(opens in a new tab), requires maintenance to maintain its strength and healthy functioning," explains D’Angelo. "While self-pleasuring you’re encouraging blood flow and orgasmic muscle activation to reach this part of the body which in turn is strengthening and exercising the pelvic floor." This means no more of the old sneeze’n’pee, better bladder control, improved posture, and even stronger orgasms.
Lastly, engaging in masturbation regularly can improve your sex life. Dr. Nazanin Moali(opens in a new tab), a psychologist, sex therapist, and the host of the Sexology podcast(opens in a new tab), says: "it allows you to explore your body and gain a better understanding of your sexual preferences, which can improve your sexual experiences with partners."
After all, if you don’t know how you like to be touched, you won’t be able to communicate this information to a partner. Moali says that masturbating regularly creates a stronger connection with your erotic self, leading to increased self-understanding and confidence.
Yes, please. OK. So, how do we make masturbation a priority?
5 steps to make a masturbation routine that lasts.
Get into the right mindset.
Most of us are very used to being self-critical and think we’re never doing enough. We’re conditioned to put the needs of others first and consider our own last. This is not a sustainable or healthy way to live. We need to prioritize our own needs and pleasure in order to be a fully functioning and grounded person.
Mintz says that when you create a masturbation routine, to tell yourself that this is a time for you to focus on yourself and that this is a GOOD thing. "Tell yourself that this is me-time and self-care," she says.
What’s more, Taylor Sparks, an intimacy educator and founder of OrganicLoven.com(opens in a new tab), says that when we’re masturbating and orgasming, it’s a glorious and profound opportunity for self-realization. Our minds are clear and calm. You can’t get much better than that, right?
When we’re in a mindset that what we’re doing is right, healthy, and an appropriate use of time, it gets easier to make a habit of it.
Get it on the schedule.
We schedule everything else in our lives, why not a wank? You don’t have to write ‘Rub One Out’ on the G-cal, but popping in a little note that says ‘self-care’ or ‘me-time’ can be a good reminder to have an O each day or week. "Pick a time when you aren’t in a rush so you can take the time you need," Mintz says.
Of course, if you want to make it a quickie with yourself, more power to you. We’re all busy people. The point is to have it there, in writing, ready to be crossed off the list (in a fun way).
Seduce yourself throughout the day.
When you have ‘lil ‘me-date’ on the calendar, you can start to build yourself up to it. When we push tasks away from our minds, they can start to seem daunting. Just think about that Spin class you signed up for on Thursday that is quickly approaching.
Instead of turning masturbation into some overwhelming thing you don’t want to do, start to fantasize. This isn’t a chore, it’s an indulgence. Enjoy it. "You get to get deep within your own mind and pull forth [how] you would like to indulge your pleasures without feeling guilty," Sparks says. "Play one or all of the parts [of] your fantasy until you get it just [right] in your head."
Set the mood.
If you have a certain setup for masturbation – one that makes you feel safe and grounded, you’re more likely to do it regularly. Moali says that one of the most important factors is having a tidy space. When you aren’t surrounded by clutter, you’ll feel more grounded and in a headspace for pleasure.
Then, amp up the sensuality of the space so you start to associate the whole experience with feeling relaxed and good. "Set the tone for how you want to receive pleasure. Get the lighting just right, light your favorite candle, put on lingerie that makes you feel sexy, or have fun playing in the nude," Marie says. "Maybe taking a bath is your thing, so run a nice bath for yourself while you read or listen to erotica."
Have some fun.
Moali says that making the experience fun and exciting is a huge factor in making it a habit. Her biggest tip: Getting some toys. "When it comes to sex toys, there is a galaxy of options and I recommend adding a new toy to your rotation every few months to add additional excitement," she says.
Having a masturbation routine can help you really solidify self-pleasure as a cornerstone of your self-care routine. It’s good for you, it’s fun, and it’s worth the time and attention. Get after it.
