Stephen Colbert

"We have been off the air for a week. You know who else has? Tucker Carlson. The difference is, I'm allowed back on."

Gets real deep about centipedes and "The Birthday Song."

"That is an impressive flip-flop."

"This idea of 'tell me what you want what you really really want' is such a bogus notion."

"I thought no, I’d better go because I know there’s going to be a lot of paparazzi there."

"It's very hard to breathe and your eyes kind of flatten down. So tears start coming out the back of your eyes."

"It's never a good sign when there are fewer people at your current rally than are in prison for your last one."

"The inspirational speech you need has been right in here, all along."

"Lawful good bordering on lawful boring, but he does his best."

"I'm 5'2'', I can't be only aggressive."

The director said it makes him "very nervous".

It's a lot.

The powerhouse lead of 'Everything Everywhere All At Once' wants to see AAPI representation be "the norm".

"Congratulations, you are known."

You can't put a price on clean air, but if you could it would be more than $5.

"It's not ideal."

We would watch.

This is fine.

"Who's gonna pick me up from the airport in Auckland now?"

"I will not miss the grind."

It's a strange world.

Superb ruse. 11/10.

"A mac machine is the same thing as an ATM."

Some truly excellent answers.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.